Thursday, February 05, 2009

almost spring.

I stumbled upon this beautiful piece of video clip on Vimeo today. Creative energy has been low for the past a couple months, I don't seem to take as many photos as I used to, I don't seem to create as much as I used to.

The spring is almost here again. March used to be my favorite month of a year, death turns into life, cold turns into warmth, and darkness fades away into the light. It will be the forth spring since Sean has left us for the better place. Even the intolerable pain is turning into something bearable as time goes by. Life goes on, we seem to find the strength in us somehow. I'm still here and I'm still trying to be an optimist.

In this spring, I want to more focus on finding what I want for life, what to do to make it happen. After all, the most important thing is trying, trying the best I can, that way I will get to enjoy the journey and hopefully to find the beauty of life.

So the spring begins.


A Walk Around Seattle in the Snow from Luke Humphrey on Vimeo.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

what's left behind

the prayers

One of my Flickr friends Billy G. is a great writer. He started posting his writings along with his photos on his Flickr photostream. Here's one of his stories I could relate to the most. It didn't take long for me to have teary eyes.

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what's left behind by billy gomez.

"what happens when people die? the boy asked his mother. she looked down at him and stared for a few moments... never ceasing to be amazed by the boy's inquiries.
"well honey, when people die, they sort of... they sort of leave things behind."
"like what?"
"like... everyone they knew and loved."
"and what else?"
she reached into her purse and pulled something from it to wipe the boy's nose and mouth.
"well... they also leave behind everything they did."
"everything they did?"
"yeah, some of these things are good, and some of them are bad. hopefully more good things are left behind when someone dies."
"what kind of things are good?"
"the good things would be things like the people they loved, their family and friends... and it could also be the things they left in their work."
"work?"
"yeah work... like say for example the person who died was a writer. a writer leaves behind everything he or she wrote."
"and the bad things?"
"the bad things could be things like... things... things like..."
her bottom lip was punctuating the words in a way she was unable to control... the boy stared up at her and waited patiently.
he reached for her hand and squeezed it. the bus shook and rattled... but the boy never let go.
"am i a good thing or a bad thing that dad left behind?" he asked her.
the woman closed her eyes and squeezed... everything she was holding back, came running down her face. the boy looked down at the hand he was holding. his eyes became more glossy.
she reached up and wiped hers, then reached down and did the same for him.
she took a deep breath and spoke.
"you are not a thing, my love... you are a gift. you were a gift to him, to me, and to everyone who lays eyes on you."
the boy thought about her words for a moment. the answer didn't seem good enough.
"do you think dad knew that?"
"of course he did."
his gloomy expression made way for a smile.
the mother reached down and wiped was left around his eyes. she squeezed his hands and looked towards the window.
the bus continued to shake and rattle. they had a ways to go.

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

three years.

what's left behind.

It's Sean's three years' anniversary today. For the past a couple of days, my mind has been lingering around today of three years ago. So, grieving was allowed...

Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

- And Death Shall Have No Dominion by Dylan Thomas

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Friday, December 29, 2006

tuesday people

out focused

I picked up a book at a book store during lunch hour yesterday. I started reading it since last night and went through almost half of it already. ‘Tueadays with Morrie’ by Mitch Albom - it’s the book I started reading a couple years ago but never got to finish reading and it’s the book I sent to Sean when he was away. I think I also sent him ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’ by David Sedaris.

When I had a lot of time in my hands early of this year in Vancouver, I spent a lot of time at bookstores… mainly Chapters on Robson & Hornby and Book Warehouse in Yaletown. I liked Warehouse in Yaletown better because they always had nice Jazz music on and that always helped me taking enough time and finding good books to read. I picked up ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’ by Mitch Albom there. I’d never heard of the book before but had a feeling that I would enjoy reading. I enjoyed reading it and it helped me crying. Life and death… especially death, how many people at my age would think so much about it unless they lost someone very close to them. Everyday, every hour, every minute, and every second for the past year, I was never free from the thoughts of life in connection to death.

People tell me time heals the wound. Did I ever believe what they say? Did I ever want to believe? Now I realize it’s love I had for Sean that makes my heart ache. It’s the love, it’s the memory, it’s the connection, and it’s the yearning. I don’t know what comforting words ‘Tueadays with Morrie’ would give me as I went through only half of it… but I know it already talks about something that I’ve been thinking about a lot for a long time… but never really got around to put them into words. It feels like I met a friend who shares similiar view point on life.

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